Slumpin' away

It’s official; I’m in a slump. Been here before, know the signs and the feel of it all and it really suck.

The pollution index is at a steady 200 – 300ish meaning grey skies and dusty feeling skin. Make-up is worn as a protectant against the elements; thank God I’m a woman. Even though the weather is still warm enough for shorts and t-shirts during the day, the government has decided that all air-con units should no longer produce cold air. For now, nothing comes out until they decide it’s time for warm air. I knew this was the case for apartments and official buildings but a hotel? Hello?!

To add insult to misery, I am officially too fat to buy clothes in China. “Ohhhh, mei you….ni tai da le!” (Oh, there is nothing, you are too big!) Yay, thanks midget. I know I’ve got a big ass but it can be clothed in the rest of the world and these boobs that you are looking at, longing for; well, too bad you’re never gonna get any unless you pay for them. Hah!

So what to do when you’ve been living in the same clothes since June in AZ summer desert climate, Scandinavian summer and Beijing fall which is getting colder by the day? You suck it up and go shopping! That’s all. You’d think that is an easy task in China since EVERYTHING is made in China. Not so much so. I decided to skip the humiliation and struggle at the markets and headed straight for Solana; a shopping center that looks (key word here!) like it could be placed anywhere in America; familiar stores, a food court, a western type supermarket, a pharmacy and a few restaurants.

I was quite optimistic at this point; I was only looking for a couple of pairs of pants or jeans and a sweater, not a ball gown! Beijing country life isn’t exactly glamorous; god knows what I’m going to do with my 40 or so pair of heels that will arrive any year now. So, optimistically, I enter the first shop; a well-known brand; a chain store that has everything! I browse through the store, picking up an item here, and item there, all in my usual size (and no, I have not gained weight over summer!) and head for the changing rooms. No, no, no and noooooo! I can’t even pull the pants over my knees and I did pick the right size (this isn’t Italy or France when they have weird sizes and you have to go two sizes up in everything) but somehow, these pants must be made exclusively for the Asian market and maybe you don’t know this but Asian ladies are ass—less. All flat. A round booty like mine does not belong here.

By the third store I am tired, sweaty (no air-conditioning, remember) and hungry and there I meet an angel. She sees me, she greets me and she doesn’t give up. She gets every single pair of pants and jeans in the store and finally – success! I almost kissed the woman.

Exhausted from trying on clothes I head for the food court. Yum! Not a Mc Donald’s or KFC in sight. All local food made on the spot; every kind of noodle and dumpling you can imagine…if I only could figure out how to pay…and to get some ones, any ones, attention. There seemed to be a system of pre-paying whatever you wanted at a cashier at the very entrance. People were walking around waving credit card like cards, while shouting the orders to the vendors. Nobody was interested in me, nobody even offered to help and tries to explain, nobody cared that I was starving and very willing to be charged laowai overprices. I left hungry and confused…and went around the corner to…Restaurant Street! There they were, all lined up! Food for every taste and wallet and they were very willing to serve me a delicious bowl of miso ramen with a spicy tempura roll on the side.

Next, I hit IKEA…but that’s a whole different story…