Did we have to cut his penis off?

“Mommy”, my son asks me at 6.45 one Friday morning, “why did we have to cut Shakespeare’s (the cat) penis off?

Not exactly how I had planned to start my morning but whatever, let’s tell them about the birds and the bees, the teeny tiny fish like swimmers and the eggs and get it over with. Luckily the cat was present and we could inspect his tiny testicles, all black and fuzzy and very cute like hairy black licorice balls and explain that his penis was in fact still present, the tiny little tube connecting the two (three) had been cut off, and my son didn’t get the urge to check out his own balls, not once. Thank you for that.

So what brought this on, one might wonder. Well, I had stumbled upon three abandoned kittens at the pet store available for adoption and I was so close, so very close to bring one home with me. I thankfully soon realized that it would be bad idea to introduce yet another stray kitty into our household; Shakespeare would not appreciate getting even more competition for our affection, his patience is stretched as it is. But it is so hard, so very hard, to be strong when there are so many animals around looking for home and when I explained to the kids about the kittens, and how Shakespeare had been even smaller when I found him; the penis question followed.

The lesson in baby making continued a few nights later when we were at school for Science night; or Elementary Science Safari as it was called. All teachers and helpers donned safari outfits, hats et al and both cafeterias and the lawn outside were full of activity. We made slime (didn’t work so well…), a bird feeder (oops, how are they supposed to get to the seeds?), played with magnets, ran a save-the-planet relay, pledged to save energy, touched cow intestines including an eye with eyelashes still attached (not to be recommended before dinner) and asked the scientists (5th-graders who we all know are the smartest people on the planet) random questions. Amanda picked the following question:

“Do all eggs become chickens?” of course, back to the baby making!

“Well… aumm…hrrmmm…” the very young scientist mumbles, red in the face, while glancing at his peers, his teacher and myself.

“No worries” I tell him, “go for it, they already know it all.” I continued, a little bit smug. I’m Swedish! We are open about all these things, right? No hush hush here, naha!

And a sigh of relief goes through the whole scientist crowd, pleased that they do not have to, in front of both their teacher AND a mom, explain the whole circle of life to a first grader. Not that he goes into detail when giving his answer to the question, actually the explanation was very scientific and proper but still, how embarrassing.

Still, I’m not sure how much they actually grasped about the whole issue. One day later Amanda asked me why she had a hole in her tummy and is that, in fact, where the babies get inside….

Like

Eight months in China has cured me of my Facebook addiction. I no longer feel the need to share mundane everyday things with the world, nor do I have to “Like” what others do and don’t do all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a big fan and I do go through the obstacles to log on to Facebook several times a week but I’ve become much more selective of what I share. Pretty interesting since what is happening here on an everyday basis is pretty shareable; lots of crazy, ridiculous things occur each and every day.

Like today when I went with the first graders on a field trip to the National Zoological Museum of China to study the bugs they have learned about in class.

The visit begins with a movie in 4D, yes, you read it right. The movie was completely logically about a dolphin. Well, why not? Though it was all in Chinese, of course, it was pretty easy to follow: Baby dolphin loses his mother and is chased by a shark, makes friends with a turtle and something else….hold on a minute….reminds me of some other movie… Never mind, 4D meant that throughout the movie we would get sprayed with water or puffs of air would appear from the chair in front and suddenly the chairs started shaking, all pretty randomly but then again, I couldn’t quite follow the dialogue. Amanda got scared and started crying and ended up as close to my lap as possible without actually being on it (so embarrassing!).

After the feature the kids were to be scientists and find answers, draw pictures and make observations about the bugs and insects. A paper and pencils were handed out and we started exploring. I had three very clever and studious little girls in my group so it was easy sailing. Up until the point when a Chinese class, of let’s say 40 students, arrived. Though a little hesitant and respectful at first they soon zoomed in on the classes from ISB, taking pictures, posing, doing the little “v” sign with their fingers while happening, as if by accident, to stand next to a foreign student. Most of the ISB students of foreign origin are used to this, this happens every time they go to the city and there are probably pictures of all members of my family in houses all over China (what they say about the pictures when showing them to their friends back home baffles me; this is my laowai friend that I met in Beijing?).

I’m just curious to know what their teacher of these Chinese students will say when they come back to school with a bunch of pictures of laowais instead of bugs.