Did we have to cut his penis off?

“Mommy”, my son asks me at 6.45 one Friday morning, “why did we have to cut Shakespeare’s (the cat) penis off?

Not exactly how I had planned to start my morning but whatever, let’s tell them about the birds and the bees, the teeny tiny fish like swimmers and the eggs and get it over with. Luckily the cat was present and we could inspect his tiny testicles, all black and fuzzy and very cute like hairy black licorice balls and explain that his penis was in fact still present, the tiny little tube connecting the two (three) had been cut off, and my son didn’t get the urge to check out his own balls, not once. Thank you for that.

So what brought this on, one might wonder. Well, I had stumbled upon three abandoned kittens at the pet store available for adoption and I was so close, so very close to bring one home with me. I thankfully soon realized that it would be bad idea to introduce yet another stray kitty into our household; Shakespeare would not appreciate getting even more competition for our affection, his patience is stretched as it is. But it is so hard, so very hard, to be strong when there are so many animals around looking for home and when I explained to the kids about the kittens, and how Shakespeare had been even smaller when I found him; the penis question followed.

The lesson in baby making continued a few nights later when we were at school for Science night; or Elementary Science Safari as it was called. All teachers and helpers donned safari outfits, hats et al and both cafeterias and the lawn outside were full of activity. We made slime (didn’t work so well…), a bird feeder (oops, how are they supposed to get to the seeds?), played with magnets, ran a save-the-planet relay, pledged to save energy, touched cow intestines including an eye with eyelashes still attached (not to be recommended before dinner) and asked the scientists (5th-graders who we all know are the smartest people on the planet) random questions. Amanda picked the following question:

“Do all eggs become chickens?” of course, back to the baby making!

“Well… aumm…hrrmmm…” the very young scientist mumbles, red in the face, while glancing at his peers, his teacher and myself.

“No worries” I tell him, “go for it, they already know it all.” I continued, a little bit smug. I’m Swedish! We are open about all these things, right? No hush hush here, naha!

And a sigh of relief goes through the whole scientist crowd, pleased that they do not have to, in front of both their teacher AND a mom, explain the whole circle of life to a first grader. Not that he goes into detail when giving his answer to the question, actually the explanation was very scientific and proper but still, how embarrassing.

Still, I’m not sure how much they actually grasped about the whole issue. One day later Amanda asked me why she had a hole in her tummy and is that, in fact, where the babies get inside….